all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
