At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
