she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
