I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
