The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
