I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
