Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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