He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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