It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
