i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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