Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize