I got chris browned last night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize