So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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