If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
