I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
