WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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