I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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