hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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