I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
