I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
