I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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