He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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