apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
