you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
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