2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
