sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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