My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
