Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
