You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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