please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
