wakey wakey hands off snakey
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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