this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
