he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
