I looked at my own cervix.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
