She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Damn victory sex feels great
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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