Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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