I hate all girls vehemently.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
