i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
