nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
