fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
