I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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