Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
