I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
