NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize