Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
