3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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