Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
