she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
