How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Porn is love you can see.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
