Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this boner is exhausting
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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