dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
