i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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