There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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