a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize