It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
