It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
