I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
