lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
