Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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