I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
