I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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