I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
