hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
