Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
