i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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