i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
