my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
