did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
