I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
