I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
