Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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