when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
