Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
