If i could tip my vagina, i would.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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