2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
