I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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