if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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