Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
