I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
